Something I have learnt over the past year is that as you get older your perception on the world changes. Those things which seemed so important to you when you were younger become trivial and those things which you always thought you were too young to care about suddenly become a huge part of your reality!
People often talk about going out and "finding yourself" when you are young. When I was younger that concept baffled me. I didn't understand what I needed to find. I knew who I was, I was Jade, I went to school, I worked at morrisons, I loved my family and my friends, I wanted to travel and explore new places. I knew what my dreams were and I assumed they would just all fall
Into place as I got older. What was there to find??!!!
For years I went through life on cruise control , I went travelling and explored new places , I got my dream job and I assumed I still knew exactly who I was and what I was supposed to do with my life.
Then something happened, I got epilepsy. Not particularly tragic and I am aware that there are worse things I could have gotten , however epilepsy changed my life and my perception of the world and also of me. Suddenly I realised that a lot of those dreams I had imagined would come true probably wouldn't now! That left me wondering who I was? And who would I become? I had planned my life and epilepsy was not something I had planned into it!
As my perception changed I realised that at 25 years old I actually don't know who I am, I am completely lost! Those things which seemed so important to me before now seem pointless and instead have been replaced with new worries and hopes.
Luckily I have the guidance of my Heavenly Father to help me. I can honestly say that I have never prayed as much as I have done over the past month in my entire life. The scripture I walk by faith and not by sight has never meant so much!
Trusting in The Lord and his timings is difficult, it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It's made even more difficult when the things The Lord would have me do are not in tune with what I would like to do. It's hard to do one thing when your heart is screaming at you to do something else! However, I have faith in
My Heavenly Father and his plan for me. I know he loves me and I trust him completely. Giving The Lord my heart is hard and so is walking by faith but I know I am not alone and I know that everything will work out in the end , just the way The Lord wants it to. Sometimes the right decision is also the hardest.
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